Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
