I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
did you just send me my own nude
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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