a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
