I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
