No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
