Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The air taste purple.
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