I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
