mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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