They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
