porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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