between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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