My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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