if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize