I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
