"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
