There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize