i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
