something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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