So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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