that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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