This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There are leaves in my underwear?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
