Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
