when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am naked and annoyed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
