Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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