I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
