just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
