So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
