I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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