Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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