3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
