New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
