She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
