You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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