The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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