Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
