so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize