too bad you live with your parents still
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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