Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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