You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we're so committed to being not committed
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
