Kiss
Puke
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
