a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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