You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
