They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
