it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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