just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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