people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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