smell my finger.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
