people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
