I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
