Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
