Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
