Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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