It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
