We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
