This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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