Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
