her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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