I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
