Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
