Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I forget how to act sober
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
