Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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