so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
