Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
3 2 1 whiskey
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize