shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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