I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
