You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
