Plan B is the new Plan A
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
