Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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