Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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