I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize