the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
