I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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