This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
