jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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