So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
