Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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