i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
